Surprise Part Deux

One would think that there would be very little that surprises me when it comes to wedding receptions, but still I walk away from some of these events thinking  “What the H just happened in there?” 

Well, a couple of weekends ago, I had that experience.  I was lost for words; I know - me, lost for words - weird, that never happens! 

I have already written about this couple that I am going to tell you about, back in July 2010, the mother of the bride that had made all of the arrangements like picking out the date, location, colors, etc for her wedding her daughter’s wedding.  She’s baaaaaaacccckkkkkk!

I really liked the bride, she is cute, funny and kind.  The groom was cute, funny and kind.  They are obviously a perfect match.  There was nothing unexpected when planning the event.  The typical mom-zilla stuff and a few things the bride was very specific about, which I can handle. 

Then came the week before the event.  The bride and her mom dropped off some things and filled me in on a few things I should be watching for during her reception - the usual stuff like don’t let the bridal party get embarrassingly drunk, watch out for Uncle Jim - he is a little handsy with the ladies, and the groom’s brother and his current girlfriend are in to exhibitionism.  Wait….what.  Exhibitionism,….ok….wow.  Will do, I will keep an eye on that for you. 

The event goes well until….well it went pretty well but anything that could have gone wrong, went pretty wrong.  The florist didn’t bring enough flowers so we had empty vases, but never fear, I Do Expert is here!  I took care of it as well as the other miscellaneous items like the two page list of pictures the bride asked me to take, the decorator forgetting the birdcage for the cards, the appetizers running out in 15 minutes, etc. 

At every event I try not to involved the bride with any problems unless I absolutely have to let her know.  So I went to the Mother of the Bride to let her know about the items that were wrong so she could get a refund and so that they bride wouldn’t have to know.  What does that MOB do, she runs right to the Bride as soon as she gets to the reception and tells her everything that has gone wrong!  I was shocked - I mean when the bride was almost in tears, I pulled her away, showed her how beautiful the reception hall looked and got her announced. 

The bride and groom arrived about 10 minutes late, not too bad!  Then they did a receiving line for 200 people.  Then they did photographs and then they were re-announced.  Dinner was supposed to be served at 7:00 p.m….we had dinner served finally at 9:00 p.m.

Everything else went fairly smooth - taking booze away from a bridesmaid, keeping our eyes on the exhibitionist couple, kicking out an uncle, keeping an eye on the exhibitionist couple, keeping the other bridesmaid from showing her Sharon Stone impersonation to everyone, and keeping an eye on the exhibitionists. 

As the night was coming to a close, guests were leaving we were missing two members of the bridal party.  I asked the I Do Security Officers to walk through the building with me, looking for the missing bridesmaid and groomsman.  We did not find them and we scoured the building. 

We as are locking the doors and thanking the I Do Security Officers, the caterers came to me to let me know that they broke a window.  The I Do Assistant and I went to go check out the broken window.  Discovering it was a window broken on a building other than the reception site, we called the police.  Since the window wasn’t broken completely in, the building’s alarm wasn’t going off.  The police could not do anything unless the alarm was going off, so the dispatcher suggested I complete the breaking of the window.  Not wanting to end this memorable evening with a breaking and entering charge, I declined the option to break in the building.  I hung up the phone and called the building owner at 1:30 am. 

Apparently, I am a worry wart because the I Do Assistant and I were the only people concerned about the broken window as the building owner said he would take care of it…..within the next week.

As I am on the phone, I see someone walking out from behind me.  It was the missing bridesmaid!  Then about a minute later, the missing groomsman walked out.  Here’s the kicker….wait for it…..wait for it…..the couple was NOT the exhibitionist couple we would have expected. 

Then this is where it happened - I. Was. Speechless.  I literally lost my words when I was on the phone, I am sure whoever I was speaking to thought I was a complete idiot, but I couldn’t put a sentence together. 

I hung up the phone and we were gathering the staff to leave the building when I hear a tap, tap, tap on the front window.  It was the groomsman - standing there waving and knocking.  I went out to the front door.

Groomsman: “Um, hi...yeah, um this is awkward. So, um, we don’t have, um, our phones, we need to use your phone.”

I Do Expert: “Yeah, the other bridesmaids and groomsmen thought the two of you left so they took your things you left behind,” I said to this man with this shirt buttoned incorrectly.  “I will let you back in on one condition.  You have to tell me where the two of you were, we scoured the building looking for people to make sure everyone was gone and you scared the bejesus out of me.”

Groomsman: “Well, um...we were….um, in the men’s bathroom by the reception hall.”

I Do Expert: “Sure come on in.”  I was judging...boy was I judging. 

This dance of uncomfortable, awkwardness continued for the next 40 minutes.  The bridesmaid had to call the MOB and the groomsman had to call the Mother of the Groom as these were the only phone numbers I had on file.  None of the phone calls were comfortable. 

The who conclusion of the night reminded me of something that the great poet Lil’ Wayne once wrote a perfect lyric for this situation and I will leave you with it now;
Boy I know you got a girl
And you know I got a man
So lets both respect the game
And have a one night stand
Everybody wanna know
But they wouldn't understand
So lets keep it on the low
And have a one night stand

I Do Expert

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